6 Ways to EMBRACE Being SINGLE

Today I can finally say “I will embrace my time of singleness!” Praise God! I have realized this is a time in my life that I cannot get back and God wants to use this time to change and mold me into the person I was created to be! Whenever I was in a relationship with someone, I lost myself as a person, because I never took the time to find out who I was/am and I never took the time to heal from past hurts and broken trusts.

We need to be a whole person before we can be in a healthy relationship. We need to ask ourselves, “Who am I? What do I like? What don’t I like? What is my purpose? What are my boundaries?" If we don’t know who we really are, we can easily lose ourselves in a relationship. This is what has happened to me time and time again. I never felt “complete” and thought only by being in a relationship or married I would feel “complete”. But the fact is, I was never quite “good” enough and never quite measured up to what the man in my life expected of me, leaving me feeling empty. The truth is, the reason I felt empty was because I wasn’t allowing God to fill my empty space! My value as a person should never come from another person, but from who God says I am and this can only happen by spending time with Him in His Word every single day. 

Have you ever really noticed that many people who are married want to be single, and many who are single, want to be married? If so many people wanted to be married, the divorce rate wouldn’t be so high (although there is more to it than that - See my post on “Unconditional Love”). Marriage will never fill that “empty space” in your heart, only God will. In fact, the Bible tells us in 1 Corinthians 7:28 “those who marry will face many troubles in this life”. The apostle Paul actually said it is better to remain single! Those who are single have more time to devote to the things of God. 

I have found that I cannot be the marriage partner God wants me to be until He works some things out of me. I also need to find out who I am, what I like, what I don’t like, where my boundaries are, what it really means to be a “Christian” and follow Jesus. What it really means for me to “Take up my cross and follow Him”. I don’t want to settle for any less than God has planned for my life and until I get to know who I am in Him, not who I am in another man, I am settling. One day I would like to be married but it is no longer my focus. IF it is in God’s plan for my life, it will happen in His timing. For now, I will embrace the fact that I am single, and actually learn to enjoy it! 

So, for those of you have not quite gotten to the point I have, don’t worry, you will get there too! But you do have to make a conscious decision that you will allow yourself to embrace your singleness right now, right where you are, this very day!

HOW CAN YOU START EMBRACING Your SINGLENESS? Here are 6 Suggestions:

1.  Take out a piece of paper and write down what you like about yourself and what you don’t like about yourself. Be brutally honest and write down everything you can think of. Then pray over these things and ask God show you the areas you need to change. Ask him to help you change those areas, because we cannot change on our own, I know, I’ve tried. You may even find that some of the things you don’t like about yourself, God loves about you! You may have come to believe some of the lies others have told you about yourself, so ask God to reveal that to you too. Get to know who you are.

• The pruning process is painful, but necessary. It’s the only way to get rid of the things we don’t need in our lives and bear the good fruit God has for us (John 15:1-2).

2.  Take time to set up healthy boundaries in your own life. Many people do not have boundaries set up in their lives, and that is part of our problem today. Boundaries are there to help us avoid situations that will lead to regret. Boundaries should be set up before you even encounter situations so you are prepared to handle them when they arise. {Here is a link to a DVD about how and why you should set up boundaries in your life: GUARDRAILS AVOIDING REGRETS IN YOUR LIFE}.

• Boundaries are set up to protect you, not to restrict you.

 3.  Every day focus on something you are thankful for. Even if you can only think of one thing that day, write it down! I am just finishing something called the “30 days of praise”. Each day I take the time to purposefully think about something I am thankful for and write it down. I’ve even shared it with my friends and family and have tried to get them on board! The more I do this, the more I find I am thankful for. 

• When we take our focus off of what we don’t have and put it on what we do have, it changes our whole perspective on where we are right now.

4.  Branch out and start forming new, healthy friendships with people of the same sex and people who believe in God and are trying to live their lives according to His Word. At this time in your life, it is important to continue to focus on your growth and change. If you get involved in new friendships of the opposite sex, it could potentially open up doors for you to start relying on another man or woman, when right now what you need is to remain in your singleness. I know this doesn’t happen in all cases, but when you are lonely and pouring out your heart to someone of the opposite sex, it can create an emotional bond that could send you on a detour, slowing your progress…Right now you need to focus on you! Having other positive people in your life is so important. They will lift you up, listen when you need an ear, and even point out some of the lies you’ve come to believe about yourself with God’s truth.

• It is important to surround yourself with people who are trying to live the way you want to live. If you are seeking to live a life after God’s own heart, then be sure to surround yourself with others who are seeking to do the same. Otherwise, it will cause you more internal conflict and unnecessary struggles as you are working on developing your values and beliefs.  

5.  Find a good Bible-based church.  Although it is most important to study God’s Word on your own, it is also important to become a part of a church body. As you continue to grow, branch out and become involved in areas in the church where there is a need. God’s Word tells us we should not forsake the assembling together (Hebrews 10:25).

• You will feel better when you take your focus off of yourself and put it on others who have a need. Joyce Meyer has said when you are feeling down and depressed, think about what you are thinking about. Most times it is because we are thinking about ourselves.  

6.  Allow God to use your situation to help other men/women who are in similar situations. Share with others how He has helped you in your time of need. There are so many hurting people in the world today who need to know there is “hope”. I’ve found that we can still step out and help others even while we are still hurting. Use this time of singleness not only to heal yourself, but to help others in the process.

•  Helping others can become a part of your own healing process.

It's YOUR time to BLOOM!