I am stepping out of my comfort
zone to approach the pastoral staff regarding an issue about modesty in our
church. Over the years I have seen gradual changes in the apparel of our
worship team and ministry workers (i.e., those that help serve communion). The
women have been wearing more outfits that are tight, show cleavage, show a lot
of skin (such as with tube tops), as well as skirts that are quite short
(mid-thigh). As a church, we should be helping the people who attend our church to be able to keep their focus and attention on God, not on
fighting the distractions of a woman’s choice of apparel.
I found a couple of articles addressing this same subject in other churches
that I thought helped to summarize some of my thoughts. I’ve added them to the
end of this blog and I hope you will take the time to read them. I have to believe that I am not alone in
my concerns, and that other men and women in the congregation would like your
help in this matter too. I am far
from perfect and my goal is not to
put anybody down or make anyone feel bad.
I do believe as a church, especially those serving in ministry, should
be reinforcing the Bible’s teachings on modesty in order to help the men and
women that come into our church. We shouldn’t just turn our heads and look the
other way, ignoring a problem that is growing worse in our society. We need to
stand up and promote modesty, for our generation and especially for the younger
generation.
Our pastor has addressed, very
briefly, the women in the
congregation, about how they should help the men in our church by not
wearing clothes showing cleavage, and has also told women jokingly, "If
you catch your husband looking at another woman to slap him upside the
head”…But how can we have these expectations of our men if we aren’t promoting
modesty within the church? The church is allowing these visual temptations by
the way some of the ministry staff and volunteers are dressing. How can we
expect men to avoid looking when it
is front and center? Realistically, they would have to spend a large part of
the service looking at the ceiling, floor, or walls.
We need to go further than a few fleeting words and really mentor and
teach those in ministry (both men and women) to dress in a way that will not cause man to stumble in the first place. We need to hold
ourselves to a higher standard. No, we can’t help how others dress outside of the church, but we can start
to educate those new to the church and those who attend the church. One way to
do this is to dress in a way that is a living example to others. Another way is
by setting aside time to teach about modesty from a biblical standpoint.
God made men and women in His own image, beautiful and wonderful! Men and
women can still look nice while
dressing modestly.
I do encourage you to take the time to read the following articles. They
give good suggestions on how to help encourage modesty within our worship team
and other ministry workers in a non-threatening and non-offensive manner.
Thank you for listening.
Cheryll
Communicating
Modesty Standards to the Women on Your Worship Team
http://worthilymagnify.com/2010/05/10/communicating-modesty-standards-to-the-women-on-your-worship-team/
Every year around this time I send an email to all of the
women on the worship team at my church to remind them about the importance of
watching what they wear when they’re helping lead worship.
It’s awkward to say many of the things that need to be said
since I’m a guy. So I had my amazing wife Catherine writes the email for me. We
tweak it every year, but it mostly stays the same.
Here’s what Catherine wrote. Feel free to pass this along to
your worship team if you think it would be helpful:
“To all the beautiful ladies on the worship team,
It’s that time of year again when temperatures no longer
dictate modesty. I’ve sent out emails about this before but was reminded
of the challenge this past Sunday when I showed up to church in a dress that
seemed not-so-low-cut at home but was, I thought, inappropriately low with a
baby tugging on it! Arg. So, here’s a quick reminder about expectations for modesty
on the worship team from someone who doesn’t always succeed in following them
herself. (I do try!)
A quick reminder of why this is a big deal as
worship team members: Mostly because our purpose is to draw attention to the
Lord, not ourselves. We all know that most men struggle with purity in the way
they look at scantily clad women. Many of them are very successful in meeting
this challenge, but the time to test them in their resolve is not in church.
(As if we should really be testing them any time!) Yes, it’s their
responsibility to guard their hearts and avert their eyes if we are just too
beautiful, but we can lovingly assist them in this as their sisters by not
tempting them! Our goal is to lead them into seeing Jesus, not distract them.
Some practical guidelines (as “modesty” can be a very vague
term): Sorry if these are a little over-explicit, but I know we all come to modesty
from different places, so this gets us on the same page.
No cleavage in the front or back
This was my mom’s favorite rule to tell her students when she taught science lab classes. I love it! But, just be careful that your shirt is not showing cleavage and that you can lean over to pick up fallen music without showing those front row people a little more of God’s beautiful creation than they should be seeing. I know this is hard with deep “v's in, but tank tops underneath are always an option. (Be careful in this too, as I know I’ve been frustrated to discover that some of my tank tops are even a little low cut if I’m being careful.)
This was my mom’s favorite rule to tell her students when she taught science lab classes. I love it! But, just be careful that your shirt is not showing cleavage and that you can lean over to pick up fallen music without showing those front row people a little more of God’s beautiful creation than they should be seeing. I know this is hard with deep “v's in, but tank tops underneath are always an option. (Be careful in this too, as I know I’ve been frustrated to discover that some of my tank tops are even a little low cut if I’m being careful.)
Test skirts for length
This is more of a challenge this year than it has been in the past, as short skirts are definitely in. I think a good rule of thumb for when you’re up front is that your skirt should touch your knees when you’re standing up and not show too much thigh when you’re sitting down. Also, remember that when you’re in the informal choir, you are elevated in comparison to much of the congregation. This means your skirts will look shorter since they are looking up to you.
This is more of a challenge this year than it has been in the past, as short skirts are definitely in. I think a good rule of thumb for when you’re up front is that your skirt should touch your knees when you’re standing up and not show too much thigh when you’re sitting down. Also, remember that when you’re in the informal choir, you are elevated in comparison to much of the congregation. This means your skirts will look shorter since they are looking up to you.
Make sure you can be expressive in worship without showing
skin between your shirt and your skirt/pants.
Again, long tanks tucked in or out can be helpful in this. Raise your hands in front of the mirror and see what you see! You don’t want to be inhibited in worship because of a shirt that might ride up. Also, check for underwear (or “cleavage”) sightings when you sit down.
Again, long tanks tucked in or out can be helpful in this. Raise your hands in front of the mirror and see what you see! You don’t want to be inhibited in worship because of a shirt that might ride up. Also, check for underwear (or “cleavage”) sightings when you sit down.
Use discretion in the tightness of your attire
As summer comes use discretion about sleeve lengths
I really don’t think sleeveless shirts or dresses are an issue, but strapless is obviously out (unless you wear a sweater over the top) and I think the same could be said about strappy or tanks.
I really don’t think sleeveless shirts or dresses are an issue, but strapless is obviously out (unless you wear a sweater over the top) and I think the same could be said about strappy or tanks.
Oh, and obviously make sure that your underwear isn’t
visible through your clothes (i.e. no see-thru clothes)!
I know that sometimes modesty can be a touchy
issue with women, so I hope I haven’t offended anyone! None of these are hard-and-fast
rules. They’re just the things I try to think about as I pick clothes. And the
reasons I get mad at my wardrobe so many times as my clothes shrink in the wash
or I gain weight. (Ha. There’s only so long after having a baby that you can
legitimately wear those nice long maternity tops!)
One more story (that I’ve told before) before I stop: My
junior year in college, one guy (you don’t know him) started leading worship in
chapel on a semi-regular basis. He seemed nice, Godly, and smart. But he always
wore very tight shirts. It was actually kind of uncomfortable to look at. So my
roommate and I dubbed him “one who causes us to stumble”. (Although I have to
admit that we didn’t think he was very attractive, just dressed in such a way
that it seemed he was trying to attract. He was not attractive, but he was
distracting.)
Now whenever I hear about that guy, or see people he hung
out with, I am reminded of his yucky tight shirts. I guess the point is that we
are not the only ones who should be dressed to attract attention to the Lord,
not our bodies. But this is only to the girls because it’s a lot easier for men
to dress modestly and undistractingly. (“Sheesh. Most of the time, they’re just
boringly dressed”, that is.)
Love,
Catherine
Catherine
15 Feb, 2011
How Do You Address Modesty?
Posted by: Bob Kauflin In: —Gender Issues|—Leading a Team
http://www.worshipmatters.com/2011/02/15/how-do-you-address-modesty/
One of the topics in the church that leaders rarely
address is modesty. It’s awkward. You can be accused of legalism. People can be
offended. It can seem politically incorrect.
But that doesn’t mean it should never be addressed,
nor that there’s not a gracious way to do it. Ideally, those who participate in
a public platform on Sundays should be aware that people learn not only from
what they say but what they wear. (I did another post on what we wear when we
worship here.)
Certain things are clear. We aren’t to treat people
differently based on what people wear (James 2:1-5). That means
we don’t look down self-righteously at those who dress differently than we do.
Both men and women are to dress modestly, preferring others over themselves (Phil. 2:3-4). We aren’t to
do anything that would make someone else stumble (Rom. 15:1-2). Specifically,
women should wear “respectable apparel, with modesty and self-control” (1 Tim. 2:9).
A wise leader spells out expectations up front,
before someone ever joins a music team. But over time, we can drift. Little by
little people start to wear things that raise questions or distract others.
Not too long ago, a leader sent me an email he had
sent to his team about this issue. I thought it was a great example of clear,
gracious, and biblical leadership. Here’s what he said (slightly edited). Feel
free to use it to start conversations on your own team.
In the last year, we’ve had a few questions from
members of the church about what some of the worship team wears on Sundays.
This email is to bring you into the conversation, and also to ask for your
help.
Let me start by first making sure that you know
how grateful I am for the ways that you serve. You sing wonderfully, and more
importantly, you serve humbly and joyfully with an eye toward magnifying Jesus.
It is a pleasure to do it with you!
It seems that what’s in the stores and in the
media has become more and more form-fitting over the last few years. I don’t
track these things carefully, but it seems like stuff is a little tighter on
the body than it used to be. Although one wonders how that trend can infinitely
continue!
A few church members shared some concerns with
me very humbly and graciously. One parent said he is training his girls how to
think biblically about clothing (specifically about how tight their pants are),
but felt like sometimes pants of vocalists were tighter than he’d encourage his
daughters to wear. Another couple said that the tightness of clothing was
sometimes tempting for the husband during corporate worship.
I don’t believe that any of you are
intentionally trying to cause temptation or distraction. And I don’t think that
these comments represent everyone. But they’re a healthy reminder that we need
to be aware and alert about making our clothing choices wisely.
My wife mentioned to me that it seemed like
women in general are often conscious of how much skin is showing (neck lines,
skirt length, etc.) but may not always be as conscious that things being really
tight-fitting can be just as much a temptation for guys as actual skin showing.
I thought was a helpful distinction, and as a guy, would agree.
As a whole church, we don’t enforce a dress code
or talk about specifics often, because we want to direct ladies primarily
toward the heart issues rather than a specific application. As a worship team,
though, we do need to get more specific, because what we do is seen by the
entire church and serves as a model, whether we intend it to or not.
Our goal in clothing is pretty simple: don’t
tempt others, but instead do what is beautiful, simple, and will help us point
others toward the beauty and greatness of God. Peter speaks to wives in this
way: “Do not let your adorning be external – the braiding of hair and the
putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear – but let your adorning be
the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and
quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious” (1 Peter 3:3-4).
He’s not saying we shouldn’t look nice. If we look bad, that’s not helpful,
either! Instead, we want to dress in a way that communicates that it’s not all
about how we look, that we care about what helps or hurts others, and that lets
people join us wholeheartedly when we sing to them about following Jesus.
So this email is just to stir you up again by
way of reminder, to be vigilant and alert about what you choose to wear on
Sundays. Sometimes what’s in style is tempting for others, and as trends change
from year to year, we just want to continue to be thinking critically about
what might not serve others. It’s not an easy job!
I don’t want anyone to feel condemned. I’m not
assuming anyone has had wrong motives. But if you’re experiencing any
Spirit-induced conviction, confess your wrong, bring it to the
cross, and remind yourself of our perfect Savior who was sacrificed for
your sin! As we think about the topic of modesty, we want the effect to be
repentance (if needed) but then primarily a joy and faith to do what will serve
others and help build the church.
If you have any thoughts or response, please
feel free to contact my wife or speak to another woman you respect on the team.
Let’s seek to ask questions humbly of others that are close to us (either a
spouse, or another female friend who is honest and wise about these things).
I’m grateful to God for you all. May he continue
to confirm, strengthen, and establish you as you continue to grow into all that
the gospel of Jesus means for us!